this is our sick twisted world
by JustForTheCookies
Summary: our demons will eat us alive/\ Victorious girls centric  minus trina rated m for eating disorders, possibly triggering


**well, this is... what am I talking about? I don't even know what this is**

**So, yeah, most of this stuff is inspired by some real life stories, including a bit of my own personal experience**

**And btw the ednos bit is no bashing, that's how most girls with it really feel and I just used that**

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><p><em>this our sick twisted world<em>

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_Giving in to food shows weakness, be strong, and you'll be better than everyone else_

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Jade West

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She just wanted to be better. It's no secret how she always wanted to be the center of attention at any cost, she was even called gank many times for it.

After, Tori camed into Hollywood Arts getting the spotlight became just a distant dream. It wasn't like she didn't try nonono, she tried very hard actually. But, not everyone is able to beat pretty, talented, s k i n n y Tori.

After that everything pretty much went downhill. It all started with simply skipping breakfast. She was going to eat at school in just a few hours anyway. So, what was the point in wasting those precious minutes of the morning making breakfast, when she could spend it in putting a little more effort into her appearance, that's the way to get noticed, right?

Then, it escalated slightly when she decided to start skipping dinner, as well (shshsh she just ate too much at luch). After a few weeks of leaving her dinner untouched, her mom started complaining about how there are starving children in Africa (BUT, MOM I'M NOT HUNGRY) and she should thank God she has food on her plate and eat it, because she isn't going to let anymore food go to waste. That's around the time they call a plumber, because her bathroom got stuck.

The plumber tells her how there was lot of food stuck on the pipes (her parents weren't home), and she nonchalantly tells him about how her little cousin (lielielie) tends to flush the food down the toilet. He tells her to keep a lookout on her cousin, 'cause eating disorders are easy to catch. She just promise she will and thanks him for the advice.

After that she decides to be more careful, so she just empties the food from the plate into a plastic bag and hides it in her room, until its safe to dump it on the trash.

She notices the way the pounds drop, it wasn't exactly her intention, but she's satisfied and wants it to continue. Plus, it's not like she is starving herself (nonono that's too serious). She still eats the occasional apple, celery, or even grapes (hello? Negative calories), even if it's just a little piece, throughout the day (that counts for something, right?)

When she start to see bone, she's ecstatic. She's finally getting rid of all that fat. She also starts to feel a little more self-concious; everytime Beck or Cat hug her she panics that maybe they can feel her now more prominent bones, and she doesn't even wants to sleep with Beck anymore because she fears that look of disgust that's bound to come when he sees her naked body.

After a few more weeks of her (NOT) starving herself, she feels her once beautiful, thick brown hair thin until she's pretty sure she can made a wig out of all the hair she's lost. Her body temperature starts going a few degrees below freezing (that's how it feels to her anyway), and she barely remembers a time where she didn't feel so cold all the goddanm time.

She knows she'll soon fade away, but she also knows that she's already skinnier than Tori, better than her in some extent, so she can't bring herself to care. After all she's Jade West, and when she's finally starts winning at something, even if that's something will eventually lead to her death, she holds on to that as if her life depends on it (and it actually does)

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>.<p>

_An imperfect body reflects an imperfect soul_  
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>Cat Valentine<p>

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It all starts when she is eight and she has a panic attack when her parents refuse to buy her a diet coke, and the doctor diagnoses her with Anorexia Nervosa. Her parents cry and beg her to eat, so she does for a while.

When she's thirteen, she realizes that all she wants is to be pretty and thin like all those girls on the magazines. She wants to be perfect and if that means having to skip a few meals, then so be it.

She starts a scrapbook with photos of skinny girls and quotes she has found on various websites. She loves how beautiful and happy and thin a certain unnatural redhead looks, who she doesn't know the name of, and she decides to makes her her ultimate thinspiration. She evens dyes her hair the exact same shade (she tells everyone it is the color of red velvet cupcakes, maybe if she tells people how much she loves them, they might assume she eats them a lot too, right?)

When she's fourteen, she meets Jade, who's pretty and confident and skinny, and everytime she looks at her she promises herself she'll look like that again. But, it all kind of goes the drain everytime she gets sooo hungry and eats an entire peanut butter jar (3500 calories), and has to stick two finger down her throat ('cause one doesn't really does the job) and she feels so aweful because she's so sure she didn't got it all out.

When she's fifteen, her parents take her to the doctor again and this time she's diagnosed with EDNOS (eating disorder non otherwise especified) and she feels like a fucking failure 'cause she doesn't even has a real eating disorder. When she goes home, she tells her parents she's going to sleep, but all she really does is go into the bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach. She thinks she sees blood, but then she remembered that she ate some cheetos.

She decided she wants to go all the way this time. After all dying pretty is much better than living ugly.

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>.<p>

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_An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist, but ordinary is just not good enough today_

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>Tori Vega<br>.

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In her old school, she was just average. Then Hollywood Arts happened, and she was something special. The hallways were filled with dancers, actors, musicians...well, you get the picture, every single girl, even crazy Cat Valentine, seemed cut out of a fashion magazine filled with those obviously starving models. That wasn't were it started though, no Tori Vega was all but a crowd follower.

It started when Mr. Crazy-Pills (yes she was bitter) denied her the lead of a play because her arms looked a bit too chunky. She decided that to take some diet pills from Trina's room. Then, she started purging her lunch everyday, she even ate some blue doritos first so she'll know when to stop. She started doing the same at home.

After a while, people started wondering why her eyes were always bloodshot when she came out of the bathroom (its just my contact lenses irritate my eyes sometimes, einstein) why was the water always running (its probably just in your head, I've barely washed my hands) why her breath always smelled minty (excuse me from caring about my teeth, you just don't get to never have had one cavity by playing games)

One night, after Trina started making fun of her 'puffy squirrel cheeks', she went up to her room and did what to her started seeming like a ritual to her. She saw something that she thought looked like blood.

She was right.

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><em>.<em>  
><em>.<em>  
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_Le fin  
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